Jokes for Kids That are Really Funny in English In Hindi To Tell In Urdu Knock Knock Tagalog : Adult Jokes Jokes for Kids That are Really Funny in English In Hindi To Tell In Urdu Knock Knock Tagalog

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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. What was King Arthur's favourite game ? Knights and crosses ! What was Camelot ? A place where people parked their camels! What do history teachers make when they want to get together ? Dates! What do history teachers talk about on dates? The good old days! What do you call a detective from the reformation? Martin Sleuther. Who was the biggest thief in history ? Atlas. He held up the whole world ! Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ? He wanted to Mark Antony! Why did Eve want to move to New York ? She fell for the Big Apple ! What did Noah do for a job ? He was an arkitecht! Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell? Yeah, it cracked me up too! Why does history keep repeating itself ? Because we weren't listening the first time! Why were the early days of history called the dark ages ? Because there were so many knights ! What kind of tea did the American colonists want? Liberty. Why did Arthur have a round table ? So no one could corner him ! Who invented King Arthur's round table ? Sir Circumference! What was the most popular dance in 1776? Indepen-dance. Why did Columbus cross the ocean? To get to the other tide. Where did Montezuma go to college? Az Tech. How did Vikings communicate at sea? By Norse code ! Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring? Because April showers bring Mayflowers! What was Camelot famous for ? It's knight life! What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek? Marco Polo. Why didn't Socrates like the French fries? Because they were made in ancient Greece. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for? It can’t sit down. Why was the Pharoah boastful? Because he Sphinx he's the best When were King Arthur's army too tired to fight ? When they had lots of sleepless knights ! Where was the Declaration of Independance signed ? At the bottom! Why did John change his last name to "Hancock"? Because it was better than John Foot Pe**s. What's got six reverse gears and one forward gear? A French tank. The forward gear is in case they get attacked from behind. What do French recruits learn in basic training? How to surrender in 17 different languages. What do Nazis eat for breakfast? Luftwaffles! Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army? Laughayette Who invented fractions ? Henry the 1/6th ! What do you call a well endowed slavic conquer? Attila the Hung What do an apple and Benito Mussolini have in common? They both belong hanging in trees. Why were the first Americans like ants? They lived in colonies. Do you know the 16th President of the United States ? No, we were never introduced ! Need an ark to save two of every animal? I Noah guy. Renoir, why did you become an Impressionist? I did it for the Monet. Americans commemorate the Vietnam War with a memorial. The Vietnamese call it a scoreboard. And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster. If history is written by the victors, then why do I have to learn about the French? Licoln is doing well in theaters, historically this has not been true. Custer's Last Stand An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week and when I return I expect to see it completed." Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions. Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire. "Why that's exactly what you asked for" said the artist smugly. "No, I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts" "And there you have it" said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all those f**king Indians' Sanctity Of Life But you know, the longer you listen to this abortion debate, the more you hear this phrase "sanctity of life." You've heard that, "sanctity of life." You believe in it? Personally, I think it's a bunch of shit. Well, I mean, life is sacred? Who said so? God? Hey, if you read history, you realize that God is one of the leading causes of death— has been for thousands of years. Hindus, Muslims, Jews, Christians, all taking turns killing each other because God told them it was a good idea. The sword of God, the blood of the lamb, vengeance is mine, millions of dead motherfuckers, all because they gave the wrong answer to the God question: "Do you believe in God?" "No." Boom! Dead. "Do you believe in God?" "Yes..." "Do you believe in my God?" "No." Boom! Dead. "My god has a bigger dick than your god!" George Carlin (Back In Town) WWWII Guy: "Father, during the war I allowed a Jewish refugee to live in my attic" Priest: "Well, I do not see anythign wrong with that. You helped a poor soul survive the war" Guy: "But Father, I collected rent from for every week that he stayed" Priest: "Well, that is not a good deed, but it was for a good cause, so that is fine." Guy: "... but Father.... should I tell him the war is over?"
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? A: The rest are hunt'n peckers. Q: Why do blondes make bad bankrobbers? A: Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards Q: What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? A: One's a phony buck. Q: Whats better than roses on a naked blonde? A: Her Tulips ( two lips ) on your organ! Q: What is every blonde's ambition in life? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet. Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot? A: Bigfoot has been sighted. Q: What can save a dying blonde? A: Hair transplants.. Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it, the looser it gets! Q: How is a blonde like peanut-butter? A: They spread for the bread. Q: Why do blondes get confused in the ladies room? A: They have to pull their own pants down. Q: Why did the blonde get blown up into pieces A: Because she bought a Palestinian Blow Up Doll from the Sex Shop Q: Why do blondes wear panties? A: To keep their ankles warm. Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up! Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day? A: Give her a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse, repeat." Q: How can you tell a blonde has used your computer? A: There is white out on the screen. Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex? A: Opens the car door. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: Why are blondes bad at Hide and Seek? A: Because they can never find the sausage. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito? A: When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking. Q: What does the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common? A: They both swallowed a lot of semen. Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde? A: Butter is difficult to spread. Q: Why do blondes always want boob jobs? A: Because it's the only job they are qualified for. Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk? A: The cow fell on her. Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche? A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend. Q: How do you drown a blonde? A: Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home? A: She moved. Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back. Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? A: You only have to punch information into a computer once. Q: What do you call two nuns and a blonde? A: Two tight ends and a wide receiver. Q: How do you kill a blonde? A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads. Q: What do you call a blond with a brain? A: A golden retriever. Q: Why did the blonde couple freeze to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater? A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter". Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel? A: Because her boyfriend was also blond! Q: What do you do when a blonde throes a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: Why dont blondes talk while having sex? A: Their moms told them NEVER to talk to strangers.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty? A: A blonde parade. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a broom closet? A: Only two men fit inside a broom closet at once. Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold? A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out. Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe. Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator? A: The blonde works in the dark! Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive? A: Her ankles.
Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Green Bay Packers? Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: What do you call a hundred blondes stacked up on each other? A: An air mattress. Q: Where do you look for blondes' obituaries? A: Under "Home Improvements." Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves? A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes? A: She sticks it in the microwave! Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common? A: They're both empty from the neck up. Q: Why was the blondes' belly button sore ? A: Because her boyfriend was blonde too. Q: Why do blondes give such good blowjobs? A: Because that's what they train for all their lives. Q: Why did the blonde have square boobs? A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box! Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche Q: Why does a blonde dog have lumps on his head? A: From chasing parked cars! Q: Why did the blonde jump over the glass wall? A: So she could see what was on the other side! Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. Q: What do blondes and dog shit have in common? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger? A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink? A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables! Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. Q: What do you call a basement full of blondes? A: A whine cellar. Q: What happened after the blonde ran to meet her long lost twin sister? A: She got 7 years of bad luck for breaking her nose on the mirror Q: How do you keep a blonde busy? A: Put "flip" on both sides of a piece of paper! Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill? A: Because it kept falling out. Q: How did the blonde burn her nose? A: Bobbing for French fries. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool? A: Air bubbles. Q: What do you call an unmarried blonde in a BMW? A: Divorcee' Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months? A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years. Q: Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces? A: From eating with forks. Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms. Q: Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? A: It took her a month to realize she could play it at night. Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off and putting the Pepsi bottle cap back on? A: Because it said, "Sorry, try again." Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails? A: A blow job with handle bars. Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes? A: Toes go in first. Q: Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? A: Because she heard the drinks were on the house. Q: What do you get when you put two blondes in the freezer? A: Frosted flakes. Q: What's a brunette's mating call ? A: Has that blonde gone yet? Q: Why does a blonde insist on him wearing a condom? A: So she can have a doggie bag for later. Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? A: So her male would get delivered to the right box. Q: Why do blondes wear underwear? A: They make good ankle warmers. Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige? A: Lipstick on the cucumbers! Q: How do you confuse a blonde? A: You don't. They're born that way. Q: What do Blondes say after sex? A1: Thanks Guys. A2: Are you boys all in the same band? A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans? Q: Why don't blondes like making KOOL-AID? A: Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet. Q: Why did the blonde give up bowling for screwing? A: The balls are lighter, and you don't have to change shoes. Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants? A: Pick them up off the floor. Q: Whats the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb? A: You can unscrew a lightbulb Q: What do blondes and railroad tracks have in common? A: They get laid all over America. Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!" Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear? A: "Thanks for the refill!" Q: Why do blondes have more fun? A: Because they don't know any better. Q: What did the blondes right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing, they haven't met! Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes ? A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good. Q: what is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold onto a thought. What do you call a brunette between two blondes? A mental block. Q: What goes "Vroom...screech...vroom...screech...vroom...screech?" A: A blonde at a flashing red light. Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers? A: They can't keep their calves together! Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme. Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ? A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?" Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? A: Because at 69 they blow a rod... Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces. A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces." Q: What does a bowling ball and a blonde have in common? A: You can put three fingers in both of them, throw them in the gutter, and they'll still come back for more. Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory? A: Because she kept throwing away all of the W's A blonde went to the bathroom. She had to go #2. She got out of the bathroom and she went to her mom and said look mom I found a friend! Q: What does a blonde and a tornado have in common? A: At first there's a lot of sucking and blowing and then you lose your house! Q: What do u call a blond with 2 ponytail ?

Adult Jokes Jokes for Kids That are Really Funny in English In Hindi To Tell In Urdu Knock Knock Tagalog