Jokes for Kids That are Really Funny in English In Hindi To Tell In Urdu Knock Knock Tagalog : Clean Jokes

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Thursday, 19 June 2014

Clean Jokes Jokes for Kids That are Really Funny in English In Hindi To Tell In Urdu Knock Knock Tagalog

Clean Jokes Biography :

Source:- Google.com.pk
Q: What do you call a fake noodle? A: An Impasta Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest? A: An Investigator Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? A: Every morning you'll rise and shine! Q: "What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?" A: "You can't tuna fish." Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a "head" and the tomato was trying to "ketchup"! Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock? A: It went back four seconds. Q: What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? A: An ambulance. Q: What do you get from a pampered cow? A: Spoiled milk. Q: Did you hear about that new broom? A: It's sweeping the nation! Q: What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? A: An irrelephant. Q: What do lawyers wear to court? A: Lawsuits! Q: What gets wetter the more it dries? A: A towel. Q: Why did the belt get locked up? A: He held up a pair of pants. Q: What do you call a fat psychic? A: A four chin teller. Q: What do you call a computer floating in the ocean? A: A Dell Rolling in the Deep. Q: What did Bacon say to Tomato? A: Lettuce get together! Q: What do you call a computer that sings? A: A-Dell Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica? A: It's dread-full. Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a little boogey in it! Q: What do you call a gangsta snowman? A: Froze-T Q: What did the femur say to the patella? A: I kneed you. Q: Why did the picture go to jail? A: Because it was framed. Q: What do you call a three-footed aardvark? A: a yardvark! Q: What do you get when you cross fish and an elephant? A: Swimming trunks. Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom? A: At the BP station! Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away? A: A taxi driver. Q: What do you call a laughing jar of mayonnaise? A: LMAYO Q: What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A: a thesaurus. Q: "How do you shoot a killer bee?" A: "With a bee bee gun." Q: How do you drown a Hipster? A: In the mainstream. Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? A: "Where’s Popcorn?" Q: What do you call sad coffee?" A: Despresso. Q: How do you make holy water? A: Boil the hell out of it! Q: What happened to the dog that swallowed a firefly? A: It barked with de-light! Q: What stays in the corner and travels all over the world? A: A stamp. Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose? A: Nobody nose. Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor? A: Because it had a virus! Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them Q: Why are pirates called pirates? A: Cause they arrrrr. Q: What's the first bet that most people make in their lives? A: the alpha bet Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? A. Milk and quackers! Q: How do you organize a space party? A: You planet! Q: What did the leopard say after eating his owner? A: Man, that hit the "spot." Q: What do you call a sleeping bull? A: A bulldozer! Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor? A: Because it was not peeling well Q: Why is England the wettest country? A: Because the queen has reigned there for years! Q: What belongs to you but others use more? A: Your name Q: Why do fish live in salt water? A: Because pepper makes them sneeze! Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer? A: He wanted cold hard cash! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: What is the best day to go to the beach? A: Sunday, of course! Q: Which is the building is the largest? A: The library because it has the most stories. Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog? A: Toad. Q: What bow can't be tied? A: A rainbow! Q: What do you call a laughing motorcycle? A: A Yamahahaha Q: What season is it when you are on a trampoline? A: Spring time. Q: Where did the computer go to dance? A: To a disc-o. Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs? A: A Bed Q: What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A: The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says "chew chew chew". Q: Why did the birdie go to the hospital? A: To get a tweetment. Q: Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job? A: Because she couldn't control her pupils? Q: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa? A: A Clausterphobic Q: What three candies can you find in every school? A: Nerds, DumDums, and smarties. Q: What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? A: Ouch Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend? A: Because his friend said dinner is on me. Q: Did you hear the joke about the roof? A: Never mind, it's over your head! Q: What do you call a bee that lives in America? A: USB Q: How do you make a tissue dance? A: Put a bogey in it. Q: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? A: Because he had no-body to go with. Q: How do crazy people go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path. Q: Did you hear about the angry pancake? A: He just flipped. Q: What do prisoners use to call each other? A: Cell phones. Q: What do you call a cow with a twitch? A: Beef Jerky. Q: Did you ever hear about that movie constipation? A: It never came out. Q: What Do You Call A Bear With No Teeth? A: A Gummy Bear Q: What do you get when you cross Sonic The Hedgehog and Curious George? A: 2 Fast 2 Curious Q: Did you hear about the hairdresser? A: She dyed. Q: What do you call a musician with problems? A: a trebled man. Q: Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? A: He pasta way. Q: Where do snowmen keep their money? A: In snow banks. Q: What do you call a very religious person that sleep walks? A: a Roman Catholic Q: Did you hear about the crab that went to the seafood disco? A: He pulled a muscle Q: Did you hear about the carrot detective? A: He got to the root of every case. Q. What did the tie say to the hat? A. You go on ahead and I'll hang around Q: What washes up on very small beaches? A: Microwaves! Q: What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move? A: The road! Q: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? A: He was lucky it was a soft drink. Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab? A: The scientists were brainstorming! Q: What did Delaware? A: a New Jersey Q: Why did Tony go out with a prune? A: Because he couldn't find a date! Q: What did the little mountain say to the big mountain? A: Hi Cliff! Q: Did you hear the one about the geologist? A: He took his wife for granite so she left him Q: What did Winnie The Pooh say to his agent? A: Show me the honey! Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards? A: Because he was sitting on the deck! Q: What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu? A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment. Q: Why did the traffic light turn red? A: You would too if you had to change in the middle of the street! Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator? A: I think I'm coming down with something! Q: What do you call a window that raps? A: 2PANEZ Q: Why can't your nose be 12 inches long? A: Because then it would be a foot! Q: What has four wheels and flies? A: A garbage truck! Q: What starts with a P, ends with an E, and has a million letters in it? A: Post Office! Q: What did the blanket say to the bed? A: Don't worry, I've got you covered! Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed? A: To draw the curtains! Q: What do you call a frozen dog? A: A pupsicle. Q: What does the Lone Ranger say when he takes out the garbage? A: To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump. Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack? A: One! After that its not empty! Q: What kind of button won't unbutton? A: A bellybutton! Q: What do you call an 80s synth pop band with a scoop of ice cream? A: Depeche a la Mode. Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea? A: Because if they flew over the bay they would be bagels! Q: What dog keeps the best time? A: A watch dog. Q: What do you call two fat people having a chat? A: A heavy discussion Q: Why did the tomato turn red? A: It saw the salad dressing! Q: What did the daddy chimney say to the baby chimney? A: You are to little to smoke! Q: What do you call a ghosts mom and dad? A: Transparents Q: What did the grape do when it got stepped on? A: It let out a little wine! Q: What do you call the new girl at the bank? A: The Nutella! Q: What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? A: Odor in the court. Q: What did the fish say when he swam into the wall? A: Dam! Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other? A: They don't have the guts. Q: What do you call cheese that is not yours? A: Nacho Cheese Q: What streets do ghosts haunt? A: Dead ends! Q: Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum? A: He got stuck in Orbit. Q: What did the penny say to the other penny? A: We make perfect cents. Q: Why did the man with one hand cross the road? A: To get to the second hand shop. Q: Why did the boy sprinkle sugar on his pillow before he went to sleep? A: So he could have sweet dreams. Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalized? A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes. Q: Why did the robber take a bath? A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway. Q: What happens if life gives you melons? A: Your dyslexic Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? A: Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth. Q: Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills! Q: What goes up when the rain comes down? A: An umbrella. Q: Why did the belt go to jail? A: Because it held up a pair of pants! Q: Did you hear about the calendar thief? A: He got 12 months; they say his days are numbered Q: What happens if life gives you melons? A: Your dyslexic Q: What did one raindrop say to the other? A: Two's company, three's a cloud Q: Why did the balloon burst? A: Because is saw a lolly pop Q: Did you hear about the sick juggler? A: They say he couldnt stop throwing up! Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope? A: Stick with me and we will go places! Q: Who can shave 10 times a day and still have a beard? A: A barber. Q: What do you call a horse that can't lose a race? A: Sherbet Q: What do you call a dentist in the army? A: A drill sergeant Q: Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie? A: It's the one rated Arrrr! Q: Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? A: Because the cow has the utter. Q: What's easy to get into but hard to get out of? A: Trouble Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road? A: Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet. Q: What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? A: Flood lights! Q: Did you hear about the monster with five legs? A: His trousers fit him like a glove. Q: Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school? A: Because they're all in High School! Q: Which is the longest word in the dictionary? A: "Smiles", because there is a mile between each "s"! Q: Which month do soldiers hate most? A: The month of March! Q: What did the painter say to the wall? A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster you! Q: What do you call a Bee who is having a bad hair day? A: A Frisbee. Q: What kind of shorts do clouds wear? A: Thunderwear Q: Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? A: In case they get a hole in one! Q: What do you call a magician on a plane? A: A flying sorcerer! Q: Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill? A: He wanted to get to the bottom. Q: What did one aspiring wig say to the other aspiring wig? A: I wanna get a head! Q: Did you hear about the paddle sale at the boat store? A: It was quite an oar deal. Q: Why did Goofy put a clock under his desk? A: Because he wanted to work over-time! What would you do if I stole a kiss? Call the Police Q: What do you call a South American girl who is always in a hurry? A: Urgent Tina Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window? A: Because he wanted to see time fly! Q: When do you stop at green and go at red? A: When you're eating a watermelon! Q: How did the farmer mend his pants? A: With cabbage patches! Q: Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? A: He couldn't concentrate! Q: How do you repair a broken tomato? A: Tomato Paste! Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry? A: Because his parents were in a jam! Q: What did the hamburger name his daughter? A: Patty! Q: What kind of egg did the bad chicken lay? A: A deviled egg! Q: What kind of key opens the door on Thanksgiving? A: A turkey! Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital? A: He felt crummy! Q: Why were the teacher's eyes crossed? A: She couldn't control her pupils! Q: What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A: A private tutor. Q: What do you call a bear with no socks on? A: Bare-foot. Q: What can you serve but never eat? A: A volleyball. Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear? A: Sneakers. Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to the game? A: So he could tie the score. Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin? A: They both depend on the batter. Q: What did the alien say to the garden? A: Take me to your weeder. Q: Did you hear about the two bed bugs who met in the mattress? A: They got married in the spring. Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings? A: Because they cantaloupe. Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter? A: I better not tell you, it might spread. Q: How do baseball players stay cool? A: They sit next to their fans. Q: Why was the math book sad? A: Because it had too many problems. Q: What runs but doesn't get anywhere? A: A refrigerator. Q: What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? A: The Space bar! Q: What exam do young witches have to pass? A: A spell-ing test! Q: What do you call a sheep with no head and no legs? A: A cloud! Q: Why did the boy eat his homework? A: Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake! Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport? A: Because you dribble on the floor! Q: How do you communicate with a fish? A: Drop him a line! Q: Where do sheep go to get haircuts? A: To the Baa Baa shop! Q: What does a shark like to eat with peanut butter? A: Jellyfish! Q: What do cats eat for breakfast? A: Mice Crispies! Q: Why can't a leopard hide? A: Because he's always spotted! Q: What do you give a dog with a fever? A: Mustard, its the best thing for a hot dog! Q: What do you get when you cross a cat with a lemon? A: A sour puss! Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: Its easier than walking! Q: What kind of key opens a banana? A: A monkey! Q: Did you hear about the vampire bicycle that went round biting people's arms off? A: It was a vicious cycle. Q: How do you know that carrots are good for your eyesight? A: Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses? Q: Why does a hummingbird hum? A: It doesn't know the words! Q: Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean? A: Because they dropped out of school! Q: What goes up and down but doesn't move? A: The temperature! Q: Which weighs more, a ton of feathers or a ton of bricks? A: Neither, they both weigh a ton! Q: Did you hear about the blonde who gave her cat a bath? A: She still hasn't gotten all the hair off her tongue. Q: What has one horn and gives milk A: A milk truck. Q: Where do bulls get their messages? A: On a bull-etin board. Q: What do bulls do when they go shopping? A: They CHARGE!

Clean Jokes Jokes for Kids That are Really Funny in English In Hindi To Tell In Urdu Knock Knock Tagalog

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Clean Jokes Jokes for Kids That are Really Funny in English In Hindi To Tell In Urdu Knock Knock Tagalog

Clean Jokes Biography :

Source:- Google.com.pk
There are a variety of clean jokes . The examples of some are as follows
Funny Historical Facts, Jokes, Trivia and Fun Funny History Jokes
Aristotle felt that laughter was a distinctive trait of humanity and one that distinguished humans from the animals.
Harty Tarty
Did you know that the eighth Duke of Devonshire, known to his friends as "Harty Tarty", was told off by Queen Victoria for picking his nose at dinner. A poor shot, he once killed a pheasant and his gun-dog, and wounded two bystanders [one of whom was his chef] with a single cartridge.
Cunning Balduf
Baldulf, the medieval soothsayer, prophesied to the king that his favourite mistress would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later. The king was outraged at the soothsayer, certain that his prophecy had brought about the woman's death. He summoned Baldulf and commanded him, 'Tell me when you will die!'
Baldulf realized that the king was planning to execute him straightaway, no matter what answer he gave. 'I do not know when I will die,' he cleverly answered finally. 'I only know that whenever I do die, you will die two days later.'
Our Top Ten Hilarious, Funny, Witty and Short Jokes from History
The Philgelos or "Laughter-lover" is probably the oldest compilation of jokes in existence; it contains some 265 jokes. It is said that the famous Monty Python Parrot sketch has its origins in a joke told in the Philogelos.
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights.
It appears that shortest war on record was between Zanzibar and Britain in 1896. Zanzibar [now part of Tanzania] surrendered after 38 minutes.
What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark? Floodlights and Ark lights
Which English King invented the fireplace? Alfred the Grate.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half? With a pair of Caesars.
I'm desperately trying to establish why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Last words from a general in the American Civil War, 'Nonsense.
They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist...............'
Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied, 'In silence.' [From the Philogelos]
What's the difference between Joan of Arc and a canoe? One is Maid of Orleans and the other is made of wood. [The Victorians enjoyed jokes like this one]
Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said, 'I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died.' - Dated to the *Philogelos 4th Century CE]
One that almost got away:
Why did Henry VIII have so many wives? He liked to chop and change.
Six Further Examples from The Laughter-lover - [Philgelos]
An intellectual, falling sick, had promised to pay the doctor if he recovered. When his wife nagged at him for drinking wine while he had a fever, he said, 'Do you want me to get healthy and be forced to pay the doctor?'
An intellectual caught sight of a deep well on his country-estate, and asked if the water was any good. The farmhands assured him that it was good, and that his own parents used to drink from that well. The intellectual expressed his amazement: 'How long were their necks, if they could drink from something so deep!'
An intellectual came to check in on a friend who was seriously ill. When the man's wife said that he had "departed", the intellectual replied: 'When he arrives back, will you tell him that I stopped by?'
A glutton betrothed his daughter to another glutton. Asked what he was giving her as a dowry, he replied: 'A house whose windows face the bakery.'
Funny History JokesWhile a misogynist was paying his last respects to his wife, someone asked him: 'Who has gone to rest? He replied: 'Me, now that I'm alone.'
A barber, an absent minded professor and a bald man go on a long journey together and have to camp out overnight so they decide to take it in turns to watch the luggage. The barber volunteers for the first watch while the other two sleep but soon gets bored so he decides to pass the time by shaving the professor's head. When his shift is up he wakes the professor who pats his head and exclaims, 'God, that barber is a real idiot, he's woken up baldy instead of me.'
Guy's Favourite History Funny
A bus load of tourists arrives at Runnymede*. They gather around the Robin, the guide, who explains, 'This is the spot where the Barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta.'
A fellow at the front of the group asks, 'When did that happen?'
'1215,' answers Robin the guide.
The man looks at his watch and says, 'Gee, hey everybody - we just missed it by a half hour.'
Footnote:
The Runneymede meadows are on the banks of the river Thames, in the county of Berkshire, England. Fortunately, the land is now owned and preserved by the National Trust.
Another True Story of an American Tourist
Mary Pembarthy, a guide at Windsor Castle, told Will and Guy this allegedly true story about what she heard last month when 'on duty'.
Mary was struggling to make herself heard over the roar of low flying aircraft coming into land at nearby London Heathrow Airport, one of the busiest in the world.
She was interrupted by an elderly American tourist who demanded what was wrong with the town planners, and why had they built the Royal Castle so close to the airport.
The Ministry Of Mirth - A Government Agency Funny Historical Jokes
You may be further amused to learn that in 1953 Australia created Ministry of Mirth as part of their government structure. Their role was to find humour in the changes brought about by government and present that information to the public in an amusing and acceptable way.
We have managed to find an old photo of the Ministry of Mirth at work. Don't they look happy?
Short, True, Funny Story from 19th Century London
Robert Devonshire, a middle aged Londoner from Hackney, was faced with a difficult decision when choosing between two lovely ladies, Anna and Mary, both willing to join him in matrimony.
Although not particularly a religious man, Robert Devonshire found his way into St Martin's church and, kneeling down to pray, he asked God for advice on whether he should have Anna or Maria for his wife.
When Mr Devonshire got up he was most pleased to see that the Almighty had put the answer right before his eyes: 'Ave Maria.'
He left the church a delighted man.
A Witty and Funny Old Joke from a History Lesson in the USAFunny History Jokes
In an American history discussion group, Professor Langer was trying to explain how society's ideal of beauty changes with time. 'For example, he said, 'take the 1921 Miss America. She stood five-feet, one-inch tall, weighed 108 pounds and had measurements of 30-25-32. How do you think she'd do in today's version of the contest?'
The class fell silent for a moment.
Then Freddie piped up, 'Not very well.'
'Why is that?' asked Professor Langer.
'For one thing,' Freddie added, 'She'd be way too old.'
Five Hilarious, Short, and Funny History Exam Answers by Children
The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign
During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and that was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the setters. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this. Lost Dog
France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. he wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children.
In medieval times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.
In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the visitor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbours were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greek were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.
Ten Hilarious, Clever, Funnies: Mothers In History
Michelangelo's Mother: Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling? Stone age humour
Paul Revere's Mother: I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew.
Mona Lisa's Mother: After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?
George Washington's Mother: The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye.
Mary's Mother: I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.
Columbus's Mother: I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written.
Napoleon's Mother: All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.
Thomas Edison's Mother: Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed.
Abraham Lincoln's Mother: Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?
Albert Einstein's Mother: But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?
An extra laugh for posterity: Jonah's Mother: That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years.
Witty 'Punch' History Cartoon
Astronomy: Funny Clean Jokes and Stories Relativity Joke
While living on Earth might be expensive, at least we get a free trip around the Sun every year.
Will and Guy think that Copernicus' parents said the following to him at the age of twelve, 'Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you.'
Five, Fascinating and Fun Astronomical Facts
The Sun is 4.5 billion years old and produces 383 billion trillion kilowatts of energy.
The Moon is the only non-Earth object upon which a man has walked.
Depending upon how hot the white dwarf star is, its colour varies from blue, white, yellow, or red.
According to scientists, in around 5 billion years, a day on Earth will be 48 hours long and somewhere during that time the Sun will explode.
The lightning in the sky is nearly 3 times hotter than the Sun.
Student Writes Home
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love, Your $on.
The Reply:
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy
are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOurs student busy. Do
NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love, DadRelativity Joke
Einstein's Favourite Limerick
There was an old lady called Whyte
who could travel much faster than light.
She departed one day
in a relative way
and returned on the previous night.
Ten Little Known Facts About Relativity
Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
Energy equals milk chocolate square (attributed to Albert E. Hersey)
Delivery of Christmas gifts by Santa to the children of the world is now accomplished by riding Rudolf the red-shift reindeer.
The general relativity theory of gravitation is responsible for people falling in love.
The speed of an IRS tax refund is constant.
Anger is neither created nor conserved but only changed from one form to another.
The speed of time is one second per second, which is also called the fundamental unity.
Death and taxes are the same for all constantly moving observers.
Moving midgets are shortened.
Divorce and alimony are equivalent but the latter is multiplied by an enormous factor.
Laws of Funny Feline Physics Relativity Joke
Law of Cat Inertia: A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion: A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism: All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics: Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching: A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping: All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable for the cat, as possible.
Law of Cat Elongation: A cat can make her body long enough to reach any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction: A cat must lie on the floor in a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration: A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Chemistry: Humour, Funny Jokes and Stories
You may be a chemist if you can't stand the expression: 'A watched pot never boils'.
It should be 'A watched pot and an unwatched pot boil at EXACTLY the same rate.'
Sodium Nonsense
I was looking for sodium on the periodic table, but then it told me it was Na (Not Available!!)
'Sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium, sodium: Batman.'
What does this sodium sodium gibberish mean. Think of the batman signature tune: Na na na na na na na!

Clean Jokes Jokes for Kids That are Really Funny in English In Hindi To Tell In Urdu Knock Knock Tagalog